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The need to feel significant

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I was the middle child of five siblings. Together we grew up in the centre of Canada, a little place called Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Geographically it didn’t offer much. It was flat and boring. There weren’t any mountains or skyscrapers towering us like my today’s home in Calgary, but regardless of how bored we got, being in a rather large family (for modern standards) surely inspired us to want more of ourselves.

My siblings and I spent a lot of time with each other while growing up. Although I had a better connection with some of my siblings than others, comparably we were all quite close. My entire family was a very close and loving family throughout.

down to think of it, our activities always led to intense competition. We were always trying to see who was faster, smarter, dumber, and who was more inclined. I remember blowing blood vessels in my eye trying my absolute hardest to beat my older brothers in countless arm wrestling competitions. I also remember trying to be the best at almost everything we competed at. It didn’t matter if we were playing Nintendo, baseball, or just rummaging around doing nothing, I always felt like I had to be the best. And, I’m sure my siblings felt the very same. In fact, all throughout the years, I have surrounded my mentality around same type of competition. Even today, I feel like I need to be the best in business and in my personal life. Or, at least I need to feel significant in some way. And, I can attest that the majority of the world’s population feels the same way.

Although, my life is extremely different today compared to any other phase of my life, some of the very same feelings I went through in the past resurface today. The need to feel significant tops the list.

We all host feelings of inadequacy at times. For some, it comes more often than others, whereas, some mask their inadequate feelings habitually, to the point where they will literally do anything in their power to refrain from its nasty presence.

Inadequate feelings host an array of negativity. They plague our happiness and only propel us into further negativity. The problem is; most of us have no idea why they are present in the first place, nor do/can they come to terms and accept them.

Feelings of inadequacy come in all forms in our personal and professional lives. Regardless of which form it’s derived there’s nothing good that will come from feeling inadequate.

Feelings of inadequacy in one area may often taint another area of your life. For example; if you’re feeling inadequate at work, where, perhaps you aren’t being respected, or maybe you feel like you don’t harness the necessary talents required to get the job done. Whatever it is; often times, that feeling of inadequacy will taint your personal life as well. The negative feelings infiltrate your positive thoughts in your personal life. This is why it’s so important to grasp onto the utmost understanding of how powerful the negativity is in your life, in a negative way. This way you can gain a clear understanding of what’s needed to move forward in a positive way.

Negativity has no place in our lives.

As I look into my own life, and as I look back at specific instances that happened, that perhaps triggered my initial feelings of inadequacy, I come to realize that each of them were dealt with one way or another. I no longer feel inadequate anymore. Although they brought an immense amount of displeasure initially they no longer hold any power against me. I was able to do this by letting go of my emotional connection – slowly chipping away at each instance emotionally.

What I’ve also found is that there are positive aspects within each instance we go through, regardless of how bad of a situation is. This should help make it easier on your mind.

For years, I, just like every other human being on this planet, dwelled in a negative mindset, looking at only the negative aspects of each situation (that made me feel inadequate). It weakened me and only made my feelings of inadequacy worse.

I constantly lived in the dissatisfaction of failed relationships; both personal and in business. I wallowed in my own self-pity taking way too long getting over trivial mistakes and mishaps, while only looking at the negatives. This only made things worse. In fact, for years I let this play a pivotal role in my happiness. It stood in the forefront of my thoughts, draining the happy thoughts from my consciousness altogether.

It wasn’t until recent that I fully understood the situation, and realized that all this negative thinking stemmed from my need for significance. I was so focused on being significant, to someone, to everyone. Everyone but myself.

Since a youngster I had been ambitiously searching for more acceptance, more worth, but mostly more significance. Whether it was my own family, acquaintances, or just someone walking across my path on the street, I always felt the need to put on some-sort of a show; like I was put together better than I felt I actually was.

We all go through our ups and downs. We all experience the same types of things. We feel the same type of emotion. We are all facing the very same inner battle. We all wish to seek approval and acceptance of other people, and we all wish for more significance in other people’s lives. In addition, we are all made from the exact same components. We share similar value and beliefs; we all want to be happier, and we all want to be important to the people we come across. These are all things we have in common. The truth is; we are all fighting the same inner battle.

Amongst my own self discoveries I realized that there are indeed positive aspects within each and every situation we go through in life regardless of how bad it felt. I know this sounds condescending because it’s been said over and over again. And, it’s extremely difficult to find the positive aspects within any negative situation when you’re going through it, but, regardless of what it is, I promise you, if you search for the positives you will indeed find them. This realization should eliminate your feelings of inadequacy instantly, at least for a moment – if you choose to search for the positives.

Receiving more isn’t always the answer. When we receive more it only makes you want more. Regardless of what it is, if you receive it you’ll just want more of it.

We all want more in life. We want more of everything in fact. We want bigger homes, better jobs; better paying jobs. We want faster cars, better relationships, better sex lives, bigger bank accounts. We want more pleasure in every form. But, the problem with this picture is that happiness doesn’t dwell in a mind that constantly WANTS.

Happiness cannot reside in a mindset that’s tainted by negativity. This means, in order to be truly happy you need to eliminate your feelings of inadequacy altogether. You need to lessen your expectations of yourself. And, you need to accept yourself for who you are.

Here are a the key tips to help you find what you’re looking for:
1. Stop taking life too seriously
2. Lessen your expectations about everything, especially of yourself
3. Stop trying to be significant in other people’s lives and try being more significant in your own life
4. Get rid of the negativity in your mindset
5. Find enjoyment in yourself

 

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